“What If I’m Not Good Enough?” | A Poker Player’s Breakthrough Story

Hey guys my name is John and for 15+ years, I’ve used poker to fuel the story and belief that I’m not enough.

Sasha asked me one time “What if you’re not good at poker?”

At first I felt angry and defensive. I’ve identified as a poker player for my entire adult life. What do you mean ME being a bad reg? Are you kidding me? Do you even know how much blood, sweat, and tears I’ve put into this game?! You haven’t seen what I’ve done and the respect I’ve earned on the felt! How dare you even pose that question? — All of this was going on in my head.

The more I sat with his question, the more I started to ask myself a few things:

What IF I really am bad at poker?

What if all I am is a bad reg?

When did my identity become trying to prove myself in poker?

Why has that been so important to me?

Freedom is what followed from those questions. Freedom from the pressure of trying so hard to prove that I’m good enough through means of poker. It was never about poker and always about life. I never felt good enough or worthy deep, deep down. Poker gave me a proving ground to internally say “Look at me! I’m good enough now! You see that bluff? You see that hero call? No one goes for that but me!”

Playing from this lens was an impossible summit that always ended with me falling down back to the beginning having to start all over again.

I love this game and I will always play it and carve a piece of my heart out for it. It’s just not my entirety anymore. Poker is a beautiful game that mirrors as a microcosm of life. The deeper I go in learning and understanding my relationship with myself and my Creator, the easier this game gets and that’s just a happy byproduct of doing the work.

The real payoff is overwhelming gratitude and joy for who I am in my totality and the way I show up in this world and I am forever grateful for Dave and Sasha to guide me through this deep transformative work.